Help! Hogwarts Has Gone Boxers!
by princess.of.sarcasm
Summary: A funny story including boxers, hair spray, a lighter, fuzzy dice of the pink color, purple hair dye, a lolly pop, 3 poptarts, squirt guns, and a meerkat. Doesn't take place in any of the books nessecarily. Just a fun time at Hogwarts between a few studen
1. Fuzzy Dice

**Hey, I had to many serious stories going so I thought I would show my humerous side. Of course, this was egged on by 42 oz of Mountain Dew... but it is al;l fun and games. Read and review... I hope you like!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Hp, just the plot to this story D! So there, I do own something! **

**E**

Harry Potter walked into the Gryffindor common room slowly. All eyes turned to stair at him for a moment. Suddenly, the whole of the common room burst into fits of laughter and began to point at him. Harry blushed crimson and tried to hurry off to his dormitory.

"Ah ha!" A voice called from behind Harry. He turned and there stood Fred and George Weasley, broad smiles on there faces.

"You really didn't think we'd let you go to your room right after walking in did you?" George asked. He smiled at Fred, a glint in his eyes.

Fred smiled back. "We wouldn't let you off that quick Mr. Potter. That would be much to easy for you and far less enjoyable for us."

"Would you like to tell him Fred? Or should I?" George asked.

"Both." Fred said.

Together they looked at Harry, stepping slowly toward him causing Harry to step back quite a few steps. "You have to stay down here like that, until you finish all of your homework!" They cried together.

Harry gulped and fought to hide back the tears he so despretely wanted to cry. Fred and George had tortured Harry with embarrasing predicaments (though none as embarrasing as this one) all day since they had found out what he had done. Harry had done the worst thing imaginable to the twins. He ahd stolen their special, lucky, fuzzy dice.

Fred grabbed Harry by the shoulder and turned him around. George pushed the middle of his back until they had reached the armchairs by the fire. Fred pushed him into it across from Hermione and Ron, who were both blushing for Harry (though Ron might have just been red from trying to fight his laughter).

Ginny came crashing into the common room, tripping over the rug. She made her way over to the trio with minimum damage. She had only knocked over two people and tripped once, not counting the first time this time. She sat in the chair nezt to Harry, panting heavily. She looked at Harry and at the people still pointing and laughing at him. "What's up?"

Harry stood and showed her what was up. She choked trying not to laugh. Harry was wearing very bright neon orange boxers with pink fuxxy bunnies on them over his trousers. "What- who- what'd you do?"

"I- I don't really know." Harry sighed. Ginny looked at him, one eyebrow cocked. "Ok, ok, ok. I stole Fred and George's fuzzy pink dice." Ginny gasped. A hand flew to her mouth.

"You didn't! Did you?" Harry nodded. "Well," Ginny studied him for a minute. "I saposse this is better then what they did to Ron when he stole them." Harry sat down interested. Ron went pale and started shaking his head warningly at Ginny. Hermione know looked fully interested as well.

"What did they do to Ron?" Hary asked.

"Well," Ginny smiled at Ron. "They magiked a pair of bright blue boers with lip pirints all over them to stick on his head for a week. Mum was furious, especially when she couldn't get them off." Ron sighed.

Hermione slipped out of her seat laughing and began to cry. Harry laughed too. "No way!" Ron nodded as he staired down at his shoes.

"OY! You lot! It's time for dinner. Let's go." Fred called to them. He smiled at Harry. "And your homework isn't done."

Harry turned slightly green while Ron grinned up at him. "Sure I had to wear boxers around Diagon Alley but I didn't have to wear them in front of my class mates!"

Dinner was slightly uncomfortable for Harry. When he first walked in, the Great Hall immediatly became silent. Until of course Malfoy started to laugh. His laughter echoed off the walls. Soon the rest of the hall began to laugh also.

Dinner was made much more fun when Fred, annoyed with Malfoy's laughing, magiked his boxers over his head. It turns out Malfoy's boxers had flowers and ponies on them and they were soft, baby pastel colors. Soon, Harry and Malfoy became known as the Boxer Boys. Dean and Seamus joked that they should make there own band and soon, Dean too (after begging Fred and George) sported boxers pulled up to belly button over his robes. Seamus followed after him. Soon, a large group of boys were walking around the Great Hall in boxers visible over there clothes. Crabbe and Goyle began handing out flyers for the Boxer Boys band.

Fred and George, having to much fun with what they had cause, had completely forgotten about their large fuzzy pink dice. When they finally did remember and asked Harry where they were, they were in for a big shock.

"I don't know."

Both Fred and George began to stutter until George fianlly broke out into tears. Fred staired at the table, his eyes wide, muttering something that sounded like 'fuzzely, gobne, fuzzley mices.' Magonigall finally had to come and hurry the Twins to the Hospital Wing for anti-shock potions, leaving several 20 or 30 boys running around with boxers on their heads or over their trousers.

**Well, lovley chapter I think. More coming soon depending on review amount. How do you like? Funny suggestions randomly welcome. I won't have Mountain Dew forever, sadly. I wish I could... cries R&R!**

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	2. Hair Spray

**Ok, here's the next chapter. Enjoy. I was agian on 44 oz. of Mt. Dew! I seem to only write this story when I have Mt. Dew don't I? I expect I'll need more money soon then :D. R&R!**

**Disclaimer: Yep, I own it all. It's all mine. Sarcasm, my best friend.**

**E**

** HAIR SPRAY!**

All of the girls came storming out of the domitories in a couching fit. A light fog/mist came tumbling out after them. The smell was unbearable! The boys all crowded in the common room began to open as many windows as they possibly could and saying random spells to try and make the mist go away.

"Blimey. What is that stuff?" Fred shouted to the girls. Katie, Angelina, Ginny, Hermione, and a couple other girls looked up at him blushing.

Hermione mumbled something, but the boys could not hear it. "What?" George asked.

"It's hair spray." Ginny muttered. The boys staired at her for a few moments looking bewildered. "It's a muggle thing the girls use to keep their hair nice and in place." And sure enough, all the girls had their hair done up in some fashion. Hermione had her hair piled on top of her head in what looked like a bee hive. Ginny had hers braided and the briad was sticking up in the air. Katie's hair looked as if she had hung upside down and her hair had stuck that way (she probably had) and Angelina's was sticking up from a pony tail in all directins.

Ron grinned. "You were trying to make yourselves pretty for us! To bad it didn't work." The boys laughed with him.

"NO!" Katie yelled. "We were trying to look good for a different reason!"

"Yea," Ginny said. "Maybe we were trying to impress someone else."

The boys continued to laugh. "Who? Malfoy? Snape? As if they'd like that. HAR!"

Hermione smiled a very smug smile. "That's not what they told us when we showed them our plans yesturday." The laughter immediatly stopped.

"Wh-what?" Harry asked.

Fred and George looked like they were going to cry. "But, that's only two guys. And four girls. That doesn't add up."

"You completely forgot Blaize Zabani and Goyle." Angelina said.

"I personally like people with a bit more... fame. That's why Dracy poo is all mine." Ginny said dreamily. Harry was shocked and looking somewhere between crying and yelling.

Hermione flashed a smile at Ron. "Goyle is so helpless. He really doesn't know anything. He needs me to complete his life. Without me, he'd've failed a long time ago." Ron turned bright red to dark red in seconds.

"Personally, we like big strong men. One's with a bit o humor. Serverus has quite a bit of humor, not to mention he was a beater when he was at school." Katie said.

"Oh yes, and Blaize is just _wonderful_. So caring and charming. Deffinatly for me." Angelina said.

Instantly, the four boys silently agreed on something. The girls walked out of the portrait hole and they stumbled angrely after them.

Upon entering the Great Hall, Draco ran up to Ginny and twirled her around. Goyle picked Hermione up bridel style. Katie ran to snape and they held hands. Angelina and Blaize were trying to sneak off to a corner. Looking around, Harry noticed something. He nudged Ron who in turn nudged Fred who nudged George who nudged Lee who nudged... well you get the point. The entire male population from Gryffindor was in the common room.

Once everyone had been nudged (the nudging came back to Harry) the males looked where Harry was pointing. McGonagall was dancing very close with Hagrid while trying to shove Dumbledore off. Dumbledore was bawling his eyes out trying to get McGonagall back.

"Minerva! Please, I need you, I want you! Please come back to me!"

Proffesor Flitwick was smiling slyly at Proffesor Sprout who was winking back. All the females seemed to have used hairspray and their hair was done up in many different... er- interesting ways.

"What the hell is going on here?" Fred asked. Glancing over to the teacher's tables, he noticed a can of hairspray sitting there. He walked the length to it with several boys following. Neville had begun crying because Luna was hitting on Crabbe. Fred lifted the can and turned it in his hands. He stopped suddenly when he noticed a warning lable.

"Warning: May cause uncontrolably horrid hairstyles and attraction to (Luna made a loud sound like an elephant) ehhem, uh... atttraction to otherwise unliking persons. Also, several animal-like sounds have been a concern." At this, Luna screeched as if she was a monkey and danced around Crabbe who looked as if he were enjoying it.

A light bulb flashed over Ron's head("What's that Ron?") "I've got the answer!" Ron yelled. He took off at a run to the dormitories with the others behind him. Minutes later they returned.

The Great Hall doors burst open and there stood the many Gryffindor boys. Some had two lines of black piant across their cheeks and some had their ties tied around the sides of their faces. With them, came several water guns. Ron had a super soaker as did Harry. Fred and George had two smaller super soakers. The rest of the boys had two small guns, one in each hand.

"Get ready boys!" Harry yelled. "On my count!" Her glared over at Ginny and Draco, who's faces were inching closer. "NOW!" The boys charged and began squirting the girls right on top of the head.

Harry ran to Ginny just as she locked lips with Draco. He squirted them both and they opened their eyes. Ginny screamed and began to spit on the floor. Draco was yelling and screaming also. Harry smiled and kissed Ginny (who didn't mind at all) and then ran off to spray the others who were with the wrong pairs. He got 5 couples before he noticed Neville was making out with the newly restored Luna (who was making animal noises still, obviously the hairspray had not done that part). Fred and George were trying to hit McGonigall who kept running. Dumbledore had grabbed Neville's squirt guns and was fully enjoying helping the twins. The over half of the school population had been restored. Finally, it came down to the last couple. McGonigall had evaded the water up until now. Every boy (minus Neville of course who was turning purple from not breathing... yuck...) turned there guns on the corner she was hiding in. Dumbledore stood at the front of the line.

"Surrender now Minerva, or we will take you by force!" He exclaimed gidily. McGonagall shook her head and cowered in fear. Dumbledore raised his gun and pointed it at her. "All right boys! OPEN FIRE!" Squirts immediatly happened.

McGonagall screamed for them to stop, but noone did until Dumbledore raised his gun from her. She appeared in front of them, soaked. Her cloak stuck to her skin even. She smiled at Dumbledore and ran into his arms. They began to make out, even more ferociously then Neville and Luna. Snape was back to stalking Sprout and Katie and Angelina were all over their mans. Ron was surprised when Hermione had nocked him down on the ground and began to kiss him to death. Harry looked around for Ginny and spotted her walking to him. He took off at a run and upon reaching her, picked her up and twirled her around in a circle. After she complaned of almost puking he stopped.

"Don't ever use hair spray agian ok? I don't really like it." Harry said. Ginny laughed and kissed him. The camera seems to slowly fall backwards as the Great Hall gets smaller. As if the camera is going through the ceiling. And there you have it. The entire population of Hogwarts stood (or in Ron and Hermione's case, lay) making out after a horrid experence of unwanted love.

**Ok, that's it for this chapter. Next one will be up as soon as i gt more Mt. Dew. Sorry it took so long to update. I had to go couch diving for $1.03. It took a while. R&R!**

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	3. Hermione's Wrath

**Author's Note: Yo! Ok, here is the next chapter! If you read my other story Harry Potter and the Last Love, the next chapter is coming up as soon as i type it up from my notebook. I wrote this chapter while drinking 62oz of Mt.Dew! This story could not be written without that loverly substance of liquid! EEK! Ok, well on with the story i sapose. LOVE TO MY REVIEWERS!**

**Disclaimer: Uhhuh... yea... right... snorts NOT ME! Must we do this everytime? I'm not her! I secretly attempt to steal her identity but alas, it never works. I once tricked a 4 year old into believeing i was her! But, that was mean so i had to apoligize... to a 4 YEAR OLD!**

**Dedication: In remembrance of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, the greatest wizard ever! And the most unpredictable wool-sock lover!**

**Hermion's Wrath!**

Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny walked into the Great Hall for breakfast. Sitting at the tables was the entire population of the Hogwarts school. Several stomaches growled as the 4 students walked past to their seats. As they sat down, they noticed Gred and Forge sitting across from them. Gred was eating his tie, his chin resting on the table. Forge had his head in his arms silently crying, his eyes were bagging with black circles under them.

"What's up guys?" Ginny asked tentivly. One of the twins looked up at her and started sobbing. The other glared at Ginny and let his twin cry onto his shoulder. Ginny looked at Ron and Harry who were beginning to laugh. Hermione looked puzzled.

"Fred, what's wrong?" Uh oh, motherly instincts. "Come here honey!" Fred came over and sat with Hermione. She began stroking his hair in a motherly way and rocking him back and forth on her lap. "Tell me what's wrong baby!"

Fred sniffled. "Well... Dumble- dumbledore the big meany!" Fred started.

"Yes go on baby! What has Dumbledore done now?"

George slammed a fist on the table. Fred shuddered. "He isn't going to feed us!" Fred sobbed harder onto Hermione's shoulder, giving great body shaking gasps and dripping tears and spit onto her robes. Hermione stood suddenly, knocking Fred flat on his bottom. She turned red and her hair flared out about her. The air crackled with lightening and electricity. All the students in the hall cowered underneath their seats. Even the staff at the staff table seemed to shrink in their chairs. All except for Dumbledore who was talking to the top of McGonnagall's hat now didn't notice the change in moods.

"Her-hermione?" Ginny squeeked. Hermione turned and glared at her. Harry shrieked and hid behind Ginny. Ron hid behind him, all under the table. Hermione turned back to the staff table and slowly, and dagerously, began walking toward it. Several things exploded as she walked past. Finally she was level with Dumbledore's seat. He was still talking animatedly to McGonnagall's hat (his arms waving wildly as he re-told a story of his heroics in order to swoon the strict madain).

"Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore!" Hermione roared. Dumbledore turned to her, smiling. The smile quickly disappeared off his face. Hermione's roar was still echoing through the hall.

"C-can i help you Miss Granger?" Dumbledore squeeked. He was slowly disppearing under his seat. Hermione grabbed his coller and pulled him up to nearly an inch from her face. Her eyes flashed angrily.

"Why," Her vioce was a dangerous wisper, still heard by the students because of the silence, making everything echo. "Arn't you feeding those poor children? You horrible, nasty, ugly, old ogre?"

Dumbledore chanced a small smile, but then decided agianst it. "I uh, haven't supplied the house-elves with food. We uh, are tight on budget this week. Couldn't afford anything except three packages of poptarts..."

"Give them here." Hermione said. Dumbledore shook his head like a small child who had taken something of his mothers and knew he was in trouble. "NOW!" Slowly, he put a shaking hand into his robes and pulled out the three shiny, silver packs containing poptarts. "What flavor?" Her vioce was back to a deadly wisper.

"Strawberry." Hermione pushed Dumbledore back into his seat and smiled a truely happy smile. "Thank you Proffessor!" She said as if he had given her an A+ on a test. She turned on her heal and walked back to her earlierly (A/N: Yes i know earlyierly is not a word but it is in my dictionary) occupied seat. She opened one of the packeges and toor off a corner of a poptart. She handed it to Fred who muched cheerfully.

"Thank you Miss Hermione!" Fred said in a baby vioce.

"You're welcome dear." She broke off a few more peices and passed them around the table. Other students began walking over. Soon, there was only one poptart left, and Everyone wanted it. Hermione was now looking apprehensivly at all the students who were now eyeing her hungerly.

"Well, this poptart should be saved, for tomarrow. We arn't going to have anything for a while."

Ginny looked shocked. "Give it to me Hermione. I'll keep it safe until tomarrow. You know I will. Who else would you trust." She was looking straight at the shiny package in Hermione's hands. Suddenly, she lept apon Hermione to grab the tarts. That started everything. All the students in Hogwart, plus some very unnerved teachers, scrambled onto top of Ginny and Hermione to reach their heart's desire. Fighting broke out. Several stundents ended up going to the Hospital wing, along with Proffessors Snape and Sprout who had gotten in a fist fight (Sprout was victorious in the fight of course). The school only ceased fighting when the poptarts was found crushed into small bits, exploding from the package and covering the ground in a fine crumbly blanket.

Ginny cried. Harry took out a wall. And Ron... well... we won't talk about him. He was slightly embarrassed. Well, it's funny so we will talk about it. He was punched and kicked in... well, you know where... and that combined with losing his favorite thing in the world (even topping Hermione), food, caused him to blubber like a baby for 3 days straight. Hermione was to scared of being ambushed that she never came out from under her bed for a week. Fred and George quickly forgot.

The best, or worst part if you happened to be at Hogwarts at the time, was when Dumbledore stood, laughing his ass off, and pulled out a magephone. He called for silence. Everyone stopped mid-position and looked at him. He was laughing so hard it took him ten minutes to get out was so funny. And when he finally did, it was in small bits that no one could understand. He looked at them all, expecting everyone to laugh. When no one did, he sighed and looked put out.

"Honestly! I thought it was funny that i lied to you all and ordered the elves not to make anything for breakfast, perposly tricked you to thinking poptarts was all we had, and then letting you all get into a big fight where," Two men walked into the room. "Excuse me. Yes boys, the body is over there. Poor Nearly Headless Nick, died trying to get poptarts ("I'm not dead yet!") Take him away boys! Anyway, as I was saying (the two men crossed and attempted to put Nick on the stretcher, but alas grabbing a goast was hard. Nick finally got so fed up he put himself on the stretcher.) Where several people got hurt and now must go see Madame Pomfrey. It's hilarious. Oh, nice attitude Miss Granger. You really had me scared."

The hall was silent. Ginny stood and pointed at Dumbledore, "CHARGE!" The students chased Dumbledore all over the grounds. It was a very comical scene.

And that my friends, is the real reason why the world came to be rid of Albus Dumbledore.

**REVIEW! I loves them. Kudos to you if you do! I hope you liked this chapter cause it was great fun for me to write. I'm thinking imma gunna start another fanfiction that I shall start once i am done with Last Love. Send me reviews saying yes or no if I should. It would be a humerous one I think. I like writing funning like. LOVE TO ALL!**

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	4. They Have a Band?

**Hello Hello! Here's the next chapter. I didn't exactly drink a whole guzzle load of Mt. Dew when I wrote this... unless you count half a bottle of Livewire Dew almost 2 hours ago... but I did eat peanut butter cups.. I ate them with the last chapter too so I think those can substitute for the moment. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Have fun reading, I had fun writing!**

**Disclaimer: WTF! I think i'll need bodygaurds soon. Someone sent the FBI after me. I'll tell you one more time... I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER! Slower? I- -d-o-n-'-t- -o-w-n- -h-a-r-r-y- -p-o-t-t-e-r-!**

_**For all those who have cried because I am better then them. Or at least they think so...**_

_**and for the boy of my dreams who appears to refuse to call.**_

**They Have a Band?**

All of Howarts was gathered in the Great Hall. The tables had been removed and a stage was positioned where the staff table normally was. The lights were dimmed making the only sorce of light 2 small cadles on the edges of the stage. The students were wispering.

"Where's Harry? He said he wasn't going to miss this!" Ginny exclaimed. Hermione looked slightly put out too.

"Where's Ron? He said the same thing."

"So did Draco." Said a voice from behind Hermione causeing her to jump into Ginny's arms. It was Pansy Parkinson. "What? I'm not that bad."

"No but your face is! I's bloody terrible! How many mirrors have you cracked this year?" Hermione skreeched.

Pansy looked on the verge of tears. (A/N: Shocking? I know! But hey, this is my story!) "I've only broken 13 this year! You don't have to be so mean!" And even more shocking, she did cry! She sobbed so bad Hermione felt sorry for her and decided to apoligize.

Suddenly, the candles went out and several strobe lights hanging from the cieling turned on. A spot light was turned to the middle of the stage. Several people walked onstage. Instruments appeared on stage. A drum had the words 'Boxer Boyz' in big, scraggily, blue letters. The people on stage were dressed in very punk outfits. Only when they had a trooped on stage and held there heads up did anyone notice who they were. Ron had stationed himself to the right of the microphone. He had an electric guitar in his hands. He was also sporty very heavy eyeliner. Draco had stationed himself at the drums. His usually slicked back hair appeared to have been washed and was now in a shaggy form like he had been head banging... only not so... messed up. Crabbe and Goyle were stanging close to the drums. Crabbe was playing the keyboard while Goyle was playing the accordian. Dean was on the chelo. Semeas was playing a harp. Harry stepped up to the mic and cleared his throat. He also sported an electric guitar. Every single one of them hand boxers on over there clothes in some way.

"Hi everyone. Er- we're the Boxer Boys as you can tell and uh, we're here to perform for you. I am head of the band and lead singer/back up guitar. Ron here is lead guitar and the rest you can kind guess. Well, here goes nothing. Ready boys?" They nodded. Draco tapped his drum sticks together 3 times and the band began to play.

The crowd around the stage was slowly beginning to like the music. By the time the third song had come around, people were cheering and head banging and just down right having a great time. Finally, around 11 pm, the last song ended. Harry smiled out at the crowd now throwing roses at his feet.

"WE LOVE YOU HARRY!" A group of girls screamed. Ginny climbed on stage and glared at them. The quickly changed there cheers for Harry to Ron, then to Draco, (and as Hermione and Pansy had become very Ginny like,) then to Goyle, Crabbe, Dean, and Seamus.

"You were awesome Harry! You do know you'll need a manager." Ginny said.

"Ginny you can't be my manager. It's not good for the lead singer to sleep with his boss." Ron slid up behind Harry.

"You're sleeping with my sister?" He said in a dangerously calm voice. Harry gulped.

"Of course not." Ron looked at him a moment.

"Ok, works for me!" He smiled and turned back hoping to make out with Hermione.

"Oi, SEE! I almost got killed for sleeping with you!" Harry stopped talking when he saw Ginny's look.

"You haven't slept with me! Are you cheating on me!" Harry shook his head.

"No of course not!" Ginny stared at him and smiled.

"Ok then! Great job Harry Honey!" She kissed him. When they broke apart and she hugged him, Harry let out a breath and motioned for his whore to leave. He noticed how much she looked like Ginny and realized that's why he thought it was her.

**Alrighty then. For the sake of some of your hearts, I shall not say the R word. But what is the R word you ask? Well, um... wispers review! REVIEW! I shall be forced to taunt you agian if you don't! Love to my reviewers and if you readers want love, review!**

**Sarcastic**


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